A Temple of Groom v2.0 Intro

It seriously blows my mind that I'm approaching my two year wedding anniversary. How did this happen?

At this time two years ago we were receiving RSVPs to our wedding. Two years later I managed to put all my lost wedding weight back on, but I also managed to stay married! You take the good, you take the bad, it's the facts of life... the facts of life. You might roll your eyes thinking staying married for 2 whole years isn't such a big deal, but this day in age when some marriages only last 72 days (oh god, a Kardashian reference?! I'm rusty at blogging, okay?!) two years is as much to celebrate as 40 years.

I've come to the conclusion that the wedding is tough, but marriage is pretty tough too. I don't want that to come off as sounding like I haven't enjoyed being married. That's not true. Being married to Rebecca has been amazing. She is still my best friend and the love of my life. That being said, this shit is hard, people.

Even though the wedding seems like an impossible task you've taken on, looking back... it's kind of easy. If I could go back in time to talk to "Temple of Groom - in his prime" self, there's a lot we could talk about. After I give him some advice like "plastics" (see: The Graduate) and he rolls his eyes, I would give him real advice that only becomes clear years after the wedding.

Relax. This is all going to get done. You know you're going to get it all done. You don't need a future version of yourself coming back in time to tell you that you're going to get it done to know that it ALWAYS seems to figure itself out. I've never been to a wedding where the Bride and Groom walk down the aisle saying "Sorry everyone! We didn't have time to get our seating assignments done!". Everything will get done...

...and worst case scenario, if it doesn't get done, it's not the end of the world. The week before the wedding I'm sure there was a laundry list of last minute things Rebecca and I had to get done. I'm pretty sure some of them probably DIDN'T get done. But it didn't derail the wedding. AND the day after the wedding, anything you didn't have time to squeeze in, seems completely meaningless. The important things ALWAYS get done. The officiant, the marriage license, getting married. Ah! Okay... I didn't get a backdrop for my homemade wedding photo booth. Big deal, right?

The thing I've come to realize the most is that before the wedding it's ALL you're focused on. The months leading up to the wedding, life might exist outside of planning and blogging and reading wedding blogs and frantically trying to lose weight, but you don't truly notice it. There's no time for job stress, or real life situation stress. You nail the big project at work and don't even notice it because "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO FIND AFFORDABLE STRING LIGHTS TO HANG OVER THE DANCE FLOOR?!?!?!?!?!". In that regard, wedding planning is kind of an incredible thing. I wish I had another wedding to plan!

Now, years later, when life gets you down, you don't have anything as big as a wedding to distract you. So you have to face it. And it's tough. There's no giant distraction to unload your stress onto. Perhaps those blowout fights about what type of stamps should go on our invitations were a good thing. Perhaps it was a great way to release tension. Now without a giant project on my plate like a wedding, I realize that planning a wedding is tough, but staying married is probably equally as tough. Stress filters into your marriage in new ways that it didn't before.

So that's how I'm going to introduce the next incarnation of my blog. I'll, of course, talk a lot about weddings (can you believe I still have wedding related questions on my mind??) but I think I want to start talking about marriage too. Someday the blog will hopefully morph into "Temple of Womb" where another huge project (pregnancy) will distract us from life, but for now, I'll continue posting my wedding questions, and start filtering in my marriage questions.

So much has happened in the last two years. Good, and bad. I think it's going to be really good to get back behind the blogging wheel...

I miss getting married!

Today it hit me that I kind of miss planning and stressing about the wedding. I know that sounds odd, but so does a blog about a guy that likes weddings. A couple of our friends are getting married this weekend and another couple tying the knot next weekend. Mrs. Temple of Groom and I will attend 2 weddings in June and then another in August. It's just really exciting, and I'm envious of all the couples going through this!

While I don't miss the arguments about stamps or centerpieces with my parents I do miss the constant rush you have that you're about to marry someone. That everything you've worked so hard to plan and perfect is about to payoff in the most incredible way. It culminates with the fact that you're about to embark on one of the most important life altering days you'll ever have. Again, I'd like to reiterate, there's a LOT I don't miss but ultimately, it's such an unparalleled great experience no matter what happens.

While you're planning, absolutely nothing anyone can say will convince you that things will be incredible no matter what happens, but it's true. Nothing can convince me of that more than a recent post by Bowie Bride. Her post proved that even if you walk away from the wedding and didn't technically get married (which I guess is up there with one of the worst things that can happen) the day can still be perfect. You should go take a read if you're completely stressing and need to breathe. (LINK) When you're planning, and unable to breath because the wedding is less than 2 weeks away, it's nearly impossible to realize that your day is going to be perfect no matter what happens. Rain or shine, cake or not, chicken vs fish - it won't matter. It'll be perfect.

And the truth is the stress completely helps amplify the day and make it special. The second you overcome the stress and you just let it go, is one of the best experiences and feelings you'll ever have. You need the stress to appreciate the serenity and excitement of the day. The first time I saw Rebecca during our "first look" is the moment where I just let everything go. Tears, stress and anxiety were quickly replaced by excitement and my desire to just get married to this woman and party. It's such an incredible experience. When you're planning you often forget that the point of the wedding is to get married... The day gets cluttered with "did-we-remembers...". Did we remember to get the checks for the a capella kids, did we remember to pack the chuppa poles, did we get our marriage documents to the rabbi... it's never as simple and clear as "I just can't wait to get married to you!" Sure you have your moments of "we should have eloped, I just want to be married" but it's all just verbiage you say because you're stressed and just completely over planning-mode.

I don't really know what the point of this post is. It's perhaps one of the most jumbled and least thought out writings I've done on the blog. I feel like I'm on my soapbox a little, but it's all coming from the heart. I guess I'm just writing to tell my friends to really cherish this time. Enjoy the stress, and enjoy lack of sleep. It all pays off. The more stressed you are, the more incredible your day is going to be.

Rebecca and I just picked up our wedding photo album from our photographers - CallawayGable Photography. Although we've seen the photos thousands of times now, actually having the physical gorgeous leather bound book of your pictures kind of makes you realize that it really happened. It's kind of bittersweet. On one hand you've got the most incredible memories, but on the other, you just want it to happen all over again.

SO, good luck to friend about to make the leap. I'm so excited for you all and I assure you, it will be the most incredible day, even if it's not...

AND, just because I haven't posted every picture of my wedding - I thought I would include a couple more. At the end of the night in place of throwing rice, or confetti, or bubbles at us - the entire reception made its way to the pier on the beach across the street. We lit sky lanters into the breezy night sky. (don't worry they are biodegradable and eco friendly)

(all photos taken by CallawayGable Photography)

Gocco-a-No No

I mentioned last week in my post about string lights that some things are just going to defeat me when it comes to wedding planning. We took the smarter route with our string lights, and at the end of the day it will prove to be an excellent decision. Some things I guess are just going to be FDDIY (fucking don't do it yourself!) projects for me. I'd love to tell you the next chapter in the story of getting completely OWNED by one of our wedding ideas.

Pretty much EXACTLY a year ago I somehow got it in my head that not only was I going to design the save-the-dates, the wedding invitations, the programs (if we had them), and the thank you cards, but I was also going to do the printing all by myself as well. Then in a stupid fucking game of one-ups-manship with MYSELF I raised the stakes and decided to screen print the invitations as well. "Oh, computer printers are for chumps. When people get our screen printed invitations and can feel the ink on the paper, they'll be so impressed." So, like a naive little idiot I packed my bag and began trekking through the internet to far and distant lands to buy a Gocco machine. (cue the Japanese gong) The little machine looks incredible. To this day, I'm still very very intrigued by it. It's like an easy bake oven meets a serious screen printer. I did my research... I read that I needed lots of bulbs, I read that I needed lots of screens, I read that I needed lots of inks.... so I found them all.... from a nice man in Japan. I was prepared. Nobody was going to pry that Gocco ebay auction from this groomzilla. I woke up at 3am to outbid people at the last possible second. After my win, too giddy to go back to sleep.

I got the machine a few weeks later, and even took pictures unpacking the highly coveted printer from the cardboard boxes with text in a different language. I held off on posting said pictures because I figured it would make more sense to post a big huge "these are my gocco-ed wedding invites" post. The Gocco was our first wedding related purchase. In many ways it kicked off wedding planning. It summoned the beginning of the wedding planning chapter of my life (cue the gong).

Months passed and I continued to do research about Gocco tips. Before using screens, put them in the fridge or the freezer, make carbon/photo copies of what you want to print - computer print outs won't work. I was preparing myself while Goco-zilla silently slept in his cardboard box in the linen closet. When it was time to start thinking about printing the save-the-date Rebecca and I finally decided on an idea that proved to be much too intricate and complex to screen print. It was much too graphic (see our STD here). Rather than setting ourselves up for inevitable failure we let Goco continue to sleep in his lair and got the STDs printed at an eco-friendly printing company.

So the STDs went out and I immediately began preparing for the wedding invitations. I designed our invitation with the Gocco in mind simpler design with only 2-3 colors needed. Here is where the problem beings to occur. I don't know the first thing about actually printing anything (screen printing). I guess I'm the equivalent of an armchair quarterback for photoshopping invitations... sure I know the ins and outs of photoshop/illustrator and I get by with what I believe to be an above average knowledge of photoshop & illustrator, but I could never go pro. I don't know enough about graphic design. Going into the design phase of the invitation here's what I believed would happen. We'd use grey paper purchased at a store, I would print black, white, and purple onto the invitation.

I finished the design for the main invitation card and figured we should buy paper asap because I knew the actual printing would be a arduous trial-and-error project that would take time to perfect. So we made our way to Paper Source with a computer print out of our invitation - sooo ahead of the ball, nearly 2 months before invitations needed to be sent.

The Paper Source girl ruined everything. Well she saved everything too, just depending which side you're rooting for. If you were rooting for the DIY miracle Goco win, as I was, tough luck. This is where my lack of experience came to bite me in the ass. She started throwing out terms like bleed, negative bleed, offset this and that jibber jabber that. I was clearly overmatched. I was so proud of myself when I told her that I made the image larger than it should be to compensate for borderless printing. But then she asked what I was planning to do for the white text if the paper is gray. Um... just use white ink? I was then informed that there's no such thing as white ink. Is that true? I mean, it makes sense I guess. I just assumed that the ink was like paint. There's white paint. So then we got schooled in the ways of screen printing. To do my design we'd have to get a white piece of paper Gocco it gray leaving the white text un-Gocco-ed. Holy shit... seriously? That would never work. I kind of went dead behind the eyes. The rest of her telling me how difficult my design (that took me about 2 weeks) would take was falling on deaf ears. It was like listening to someone underwater....just plain ol' screwed.

Then Ms. Paper Source came to the rescue. She said that my design was so nice, why don't I just have it professionally printed at her friend's printing company for less than I ever imagined it would cost to have something printed professionally. Granted, we went for the cheaper laser printer method instead of having them screen printed by a professional. It was a good idea to do this, but I was so so dejected. Just felt like I was beaten despite the fact that it was pretty much a win - a win meaning less work/stress for us and not TOO much more expensive.

Over the next week or so I finished all of our designs - sent them to the printer and got a proof. The Gocco watched silently from afar judging me. We decided to buy a nice paper that had a shimmer to it, and have our invitations printed on that instead of just plain white paper. When printed on plain nice heavy stock - the invitation looked a little dead. With the shimmer paper it gave it a pop and made it feel a little less "home printer-y". Seriously, like two days after approving the proof and letting the company know they should commence printing I left the shop with our invitations. It would have taken me months to screen print them.

So, in the end it all worked out. Our invitations are BEAUTIFUL. I really and truly effing love them. I'm so proud that I designed them, Rebecca tied them with ribbon, we printed our envelopes, stuffed em up, and mailed them out. I'm REALLY really pleased, and I still have that sense of DIY accomplishment. There's just a slight part of me that died the day my hopes of Gocco-ing were exterminated, but it was for the best. I guess the real moral of the story is: Sure DIY, but be realistic... and if you can PDIY (partly do it yourself) that's not such a bad thing either. We still saved a boatload of money!

SO my Gocco is going up for sale (cue the Japanese gong)! I know I didn't exactly paint a great picture of it with this post, but it's right for SOMEONE - just not me. I bought a package with a bunch of bulbs and screens and like 30 inks. I've got it all. If you're interested, email me. Look the things are popular for a reason. They're supposedly awesome - I just can't vouch for them!

LASTLY, I wanted to post some quick low quality pics of our invitations. When we take actual nice pictures I'll post them too, but for now I wanted to show them to you all!

A note about photographers

A good photographer is worth his/her weight in gold. It's one of the best splurges you can make for yourself on your wedding day. A good photograph is timeless. It's something that will be passed down for generations. A good photograph can transport you to the exact moment it's taken. Can make you smell things, taste things, feel things, etc. That's why I feel so at ease and confident with Callaway Gable.

On the flip side, I came across this wedding photo, and wanted to show what a BAD photographer will let you do.

The dreaded duckface. It's become quite the fad lately and can be found in nearly every drunk high school or college student's facebook photo albums. Some know the look as Zoolander's "blue steel" others know it as stupid...

Gather round kids, this was Grandma on her wedding day. Didn't she look so beautiful. Classy and regal! Oh, that?...that's Grandma's duckface. All the hot girls were doing the duckface back in the day. You hadn't "arrived" till you brought the duckface out. Oooh and the next picture, that's Grandpa getting photo bombed by a groomsman with his penis out!

To see beautiful photography go to: Callaway Gable Photography

To see more duck faces visit: Stop Making that Duckface!

To see photo bombs visit: This is Photobomb

Lights

In the key of Journey's "Lights"

When the lights go up at the reception

and they brighten up the spaaaaaace...

Do I want to set them up at my wedding?...

Oh oo oh

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh oooo ohhhhhhhhh

Oh oh oh.

So you think renting's costly...

well my friend I think it's costly too.

Do I really want to DIY it on the dayyyyyy?

Oh oo oh

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh oooo ohhhhhhhhh

Oh oh oh.

It's sad, oh there been mornings

where I thought I could set up you

without a harm

Oh oo oh

La La Lights

La la La

Oh oo oh

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh oooo ohhhhhhhhh

When the lights go up at the reception

and they brighten up the spaaaaaace...

Do I want to set them up at my wedding?...

Oh oo oh

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh oooo ohhhhhhhhh

Oh oh oh.

SO, right now these twinkle string lights for our outdoor reception are at the forefront of my mind. If you follow my tweets or facebook statuses you know for the last few months I've been either bitching about lights or stressed about them. These beautiful little bulbs of illumination are completely bending me over and having their way with me.

When we first started planning our wedding we decided that we wanted to decorate our reception more with lights and candles than with flowers. We thought that this would be a much cheaper option. Both Rebecca and I really love the look of string lights hanging overhead at a reception and this just seemed like a no brainer.

Flash forward a few months and we meet with our vendor who sends our world into a downward spiral. The rental companies all charge for lighting per the foot. Additionally, built into the cost of the lights is a set up fee. It really makes sense, and I completely understand it, but it's something we completely overlooked (see: no shit moments in wedding planning). It makes something we thought would be relatively cheap a rather large expense.

We made the executive decision to buy the lights and set them up ourselves the day before the wedding. The price difference (not including the poles) put a couple hundred dollars back into our pockets. Not to mention we can most likely resell our lights after the wedding. We enlisted the help of our family to set everything up with us. My side of the family is Jewish and has never strung lighting before, but I felt totally confident when Rebecca's uncles were going to help us out. I know it's a total stereotype to think that all Christians know how to string lights because of Christmas, but they HAVE to have better knowledge and experience than I do! I got really excited that we had this dilemma figured out!

UNTIL the contact at our rental company graciously gave us tips on securing the poles, something we hadn't even thought of. She could have said "good luck guys!" and sent us on our way to eff this up, but she was nice enough to guide us.

Unless we drive each pole into the ground (something we hadn't asked our venue if we could do) each pole holding lights would have to be weighed down. Suppose someone bumped into a pole early in the evening and yanked down the lights because we didn't weigh it down properly?! I know that's a pretty big "what if" but when alcohol is introduced into the equation, those "what if" scenarios become exponentially more likely. It's more like "when someone bumps into it" not "if".

So at the end of the day, do I want to be on a ladder driving a 10ft high pole into the ground the day before the wedding a few hours before the rehearsal? No. Well, I take that back, I think I'd definitely do it, but the question is, do I have the ABILITY to do it?! You're reading a blog written by the guy that... wait, that sentence says enough... "you're reading the BLOG of a guy..." I'd venture to guess most male wedding bloggers aren't exactly handy at manual labor.... but anyway, yes, you're reading a blog written by a guy that 3 months ago fell through his pool shed roof as he was trying to tie a tree up in his back yard. Enough said. Okay, so driving the poles into the ground, while a sturdy option, may not be allowed or feasible.

Second option is weighing down the base of the poles. This is what we'd have to do. I've spoken to many people (including our rental contact) and they all suggest weighing down each pole with 100-150lbs of weight. Wow, really? Maybe I can have friends just man a pole throughout the night. I'll be sure that servers bring them food & drinks if they just stand on the base of a light pole all night. Even though it's MY day and my guests should WANT to do this for me, I guess I'm not going to ask anyone to do that. So we've got to get sandbags. Heavy expensive sandbags. We either need to buy them, rent them, or make them.

It was at this point in the light dilemma contemplation that I realized the expensive fee for the string lights is worth the price. By the time we factor in purchasing lights, poles, sandbags, and factored in the stress of hanging the lights it seems like we're just overmatched. Were we really going to make our own sandbags? I mean we're across the street from a beach so there's plenty of sand, but carrying burlap sacks of 100lbs of sand the day before my wedding sounds more like a cruel bootcamp story than the day before a wedding.

I'm all for DIY when it saves you money but doesn't overload you with anxiety and stress the day before the wedding. For instance we're still doing our own centerpieces. Brilliant - we've got this! Our invitations - done, by us! We're taking on a lot. The lights I just saw as a wedding day disaster waiting to happen.

At the end of the day I feel like I was a little defeated by the lights, but I also feel such a sense of relief from laying down and letting this one go. I know that this solution may not work for everyone because budgets are too tight to rent. Believe me, we're kind of there ourselves. At this point we're robbing Peter to pay Paul with our budget. We decided to go even smaller with our already cheap centerpieces to help pay for lights. We made our own invitations to help pay for the lights. It was just important to us, and at the end of the day it's something that I don't want to have to stress about the day before my wedding.

By the way, this is not the first project/dilemma that's gotten the best of me and beaten me. Stay tuned to hear how the Gocco bent me over as well!

A tough sad lesson

Other than details about Rebecca or myself, I try not to divulge personal information about my friends or family on the blog. Some bloggers are smart and never tell their friends about their blog and can therefor post about every facet of their lives without fear of phone calls from irate friends. They post behind a cloak of anonymity that I unfortunately don't share.

When friends and family are such a big part of life and the wedding planning process, it's hard to keep them off limits. Sure, I've put up several blog polls the day after blowout fights with my parents to settle the score (ie do you need cutesy stamps for a save-the-date?), but that's as much as I've brought anyone into the Temple of Groom world. I think I've been successful while keeping them out of it... until now. I recently learned a lesson and it's something that I feel should be written to perhaps keep readers from going down the same path as I did. For the first time I need to bring my friends into the Temple for a bit, and I'm praying they don't mind.

The past few months have been a difficult for several of my friends. A couple of my close buddies are going through relationship breakups right now. It's the worst. I hate seeing them sad and mopey. Breaking up is the worst. It's the hardest thing to do, but it's so completely necessary sometimes and usually it works for the best. It's just impossible to see that while you're going through it. If my friends are reading this, I really hope they know that they can call at any hour of the day and I'll be at the bar waiting with shots in hand if they need it.

I'm sure you're wondering what the meaning of this post is. The sad lesson I learned: Don't book your buddy's girlfriend to be a wedding vendor. Believe it or not 2 of my friends had girlfriends that were professional makeup artists that could do hair as well. Months ago they offered to do Rebecca's wedding day makeup and hair. We happily accepted. It would save us money and we'd get to use people we know, loved, and trusted. Without lifting a finger we had a makeup artist AND a backup makeup artist. Flash forward and our friends' relationships have unfortunately hit much harder times. Our wedding is so insignificant to the feelings of our friends that when they apologized for the loss of our wedding makeup artist it was almost comical. It's really the LAST thing I could care about right now. However, I feel like it's a very valid lesson to be learned. Think twice before you just assume that your friend's girlfriend can work your wedding. In our scenario, both friends' relationships were in very good standing when we originally spoke to the girls about helping out on our wedding day. Relationships are just obviously very tricky and breakups can come out of nowhere. Unless someone is engaged or married it makes it difficult to depend that they will still be around when the wedding comes around. It's something that we didn't even consider. We'll find another makeup artist, but more importantly, anyone out there looking for an awesome Temple of Groom approved guy? My friends are awesome.

Registered

Over the last couple weeks Ms. Temple of Groom and I have registered for our wedding. Registering was something I looked forward to ever since I got down on my knee and asked Rebecca to be my wife. Needless to say, I was excited!

So after all the dust settled, the registry guns have cooled, I have just one question: Is it just me, or does anyone else think registering is totally overhyped?! There were moments where we had a blast registering, however I wouldn't say that we were skipping down the aisles of the stores, but we were on a roll, finding stuff we liked, and zapping it.

While we were trudging down the aisles of Bed Bath & Beyond, I did come up with some ideas that I think would make the whole registering thing more enjoyable for an engaged couple.

1. Use real guns, then tell the store to go tally up everything with a bullet hole and THAT'S what you want on your registry. (kidding)

2. Jump start your registry online before going into the store. This is my biggest morsel of advice for you. If you've already started your registry online you don't have to go through the store clerks hour long lecture about how registries work. He'll do 15 solid minutes of registry humor that will leave you miserable. Then you get to tell him the entire story of how the two of you met, and when you're getting married. If you're like me, and generally get annoyed pretty quickly, this will put you over the edge. It honestly tainted the entire day. I'm guessing that a lot of you women out there have much more patience for this than us guys, but keeping your fiance happy and attentive will make for a better registering experience.

3. Register for everything, everywhere. If you're going to multiple stores, don't kill momentum by standing in the middle of the aisle thinking "Did we like this food processor more than the one we registered for at the other store?" just zap it! You can decide which one is cooler online later.

You should either go into each store with a specific list of things you want (IE. Crate & Barrel get accessories only, Bed Bath & Beyond get kitchen things only, etc) or just go in prepared to gun just about anything that looks appealing that you want with the assumption that you'll get online later and clean up your registry list.

4. Take turns playing with the gun. If you want your fiance to help, you should let him get some target practice as well. It's only fair. Additionally, even if you know he's breaking the gun, let him figure it out. Rebecca did a good job of sharing the gun and that was much appreciated.


5. Get online. I really have enjoyed managing our registries online. It takes pressure off of being in the actual store and forgetting things. Additionally AMAZON's registry has been incredible. You can add anything that's for sale online into your amazon registry. It's been great. Let your guy make a list of cool items he wants that you may not find in the stores you're registered. Then perhaps you can weed out items like the 3 video game systems and the Monkey Art off the list, and narrow it down to that awesome Popsicle machine he found.

5a. Some stores are just better online than in person. When we went to Bed Bath & Beyond, we had a terrible time registering. We couldn't get out of the store fast enough. Spoiler Alert: Readers that work at the North Hollywood Bed Bath & Beyond should skip down to tip #6. First of all, even though we registered online - they STILL made us go into some seedy room for 40 minutes to talk to a "Registry Specialist" who showed us Bed Bath & Beyond's website on a 10 year old monitor. It was a little less fun than I'm making it sound. We had perfect intentions to look for everyday casual china, but much to our dismay when we inquired, she brought out a binder with terrible picture printouts of the plates. That's when we got to watch her browse the internet looking for better pictures. Then we had to make chit chat with her before she gave us our gun. Rebecca also told me to add a tip not to drink too much coffee before you go to these things...I digress...

Finally when we got out into the store, we quickly realized that Bed Bath and Beyond only shows about a quarter of their inventory in the store. We asked for multiple items only to be told "Oh, you have to register for that online!" While it's mandatory that you see specific items in person - china, linens - there are a whole lot of items you can just register for online. Plus you don't have to deal with screaming babies and people that just seem to stare at the ceiling and lights when they walk around the store.

6. Not all stores are created equal. Sometimes it's cool to register at a store that nobody you know registered, HOWEVER, more times than not there's an absolute reason nobody has registered there.

Here's my note to you, SUR LA TABLE. Get with it! People love your store. I LOVE your store. Your registry division is a JOKE. Your website is not navigable. Rebecca and I went to register at one of the most popular store locations in LA. When we stepped foot in the store we got excited about registering for the first time! Everything we saw we wanted. It was the feeling we were looking for. When we asked for a registry gun, the store apologetically told us that the ONE registry scanner they had was broken. ONE?! Really?! So we went to another sur la table store, and while their gun was working, the clerks certainly didn't know how to load our registry into the computer. We had to go through and tell them everything that we wanted, and everything that was on our list that we did NOT register for. It was a mess. So we went home, checked our registry online, only to discover that on the site they don't include thumbnail pictures and adequate descriptions for every item. Nobody will want to buy us an item they can't see, or don't know what it is. No joke, one item was called "Made in Thailand" and it didn't have a picture. Needless to say, we wound up deleting our Sur La Table registry. So my advice is to stick with the stores that seem to know what they're doing. There's a reason you haven't seen people use certain stores.

7. Spoil yourself. Originally we didn't register at Bloomingdales because I figured it was just way too overpriced and I took my guests pocketbooks into consideration. However when we went into the store last week it was completely competitively priced with other places we registered. The best thing about Bloomingdales was the layout of their store. They had everything displayed nicely, and most of their inventory is out and you can touch it (they had every color kitchen aid, every le creuset item, china, everyday plates, etc). Additionally, the store was much calmer than a Crate & Barrel. We had such a fun time picturing everything in our house and deciding what to get. Another definite pro of going to a finer store was that the sales staff knew the product. They were very knowledgeable about every item we asked about and when we asked for suggestions they were able to supply opinions. Whereas at another store we went to coughBED BATH & BEYONDcough when we asked for a suggestion we got this as an answer "You know, you can really do whatever you'd like. It's like you either like this plate or you go a different route and get something totally different. The thing to remember is that it's your registry so you can like get anything you want! It's like you want to look for a plate, and you can totally go to our website to see everything!" Go to a nice place. You'll be shocked at the serenity... you'll enjoy the service... and you'd be surprised that it's not more expensive.

8. Add some fun items to your list you don't think anyone will buy. There are a couple of items that I really want that are obviously crazy overpriced. Look, there's really only two things that can happen - your friends get a good chuckle that you registered for a $5400 photograph of a monkey (monkey 1 or monkey 2) or someone is going to be crazy enough to buy you that monkey photo! Okay, maybe the latter is never ever going to happen, but there are most likely some items you think are a tad excessive to put on your list that others wouldn't think are all that bad. Or maybe you have a couple relatives that will go in together to get the big ticket item. The moral of the story is don't hold back. You have nothing to lose.

How to Get Your Fiance Involved: Chapter Two

Compromise

Missouri did it, why can't you? Am I right, or am I right? Ahhh, 1800's history humor, gotta love it.

As the dawn of the football season approaches, think about how you feel every time we squash our Sunday plans for 16 straight weeks (not including playoffs). At first you are cool with letting us go to the bar to watch the game. Then by the 3rd or 4th week, it's grown a bit stale. By week 7 or 8 you are enraged that we've ruined one entire day of your weekend and don't understand how and why we want to do the same thing every weekend. Then by week 9 you completely give up. You stop trying to plan things on Sunday and just accept that this is the way it must be for another couple weeks. You join us and celebrate the Superbowl because you're so happy you only have 1 hour of actual football playing time (which in girl time translates to roughly 2 days) left in the season.

With weddings, it's the exact same thing for guys. The first few suggestions we make, we understand why you shot them down. We get it. You didn't want me to wear rocket shoes to propel myself down the aisle. The video woulda gone viral, but yeh, understood. The next few ideas we've got that get shut down we start to get annoyed. Is she just cutting me out of planning all together? Once you shoot down the 3rd batch of opinions we've got, we get enraged, but it's completely silent. You misconstrue our silence as us not caring. When we get enraged about getting everything we suggest shut down, we shut off. We stop worrying about wedding stuff all together. We attend the wedding (aka the Superbowl) because we're so happy we have a few hours left of listening to stuff about weddings.

So, how do we avoid this shutdown all together? The answer is compromise. I think that a lot of the problem is trust. Ladies, trust your groom a little more. Take a look at your left hand. He just picked out that rock for you and you LOVE it. He managed to do that by himself. You should trust that some of his ideas may not be so bad. And guys, realize that not EVERY one of your ideas is going to get accepted. It's just the way things work.

If you find it hard to compromise, fear not, I've invented a great rule to live by. Whenever I started researching weddings on the internet I started looking up articles on how to plan while you're on a budget. The majority of the articles are all the same. They suggest picking out 3 items to splurge on (ie the venue, the food, the entertainment) then completely scaling back everything else. I realized that the same can be said about wedding decisions and compromising. Brides, pick 3 things that you will absolutely not compromise. A few items that you want to have done your way. Then, compromise everywhere else. If you desperately had your heart set on a certain centerpiece or wedding colors, or a venue, mark those off as your definitive decisions. Every other decision, you let him help. This doesn't mean that you let him plan everything else. I'm not saying that. But, what I am saying is that you've just given him an open avenue to spitball his ideas. This will have him actively thinking about the wedding in between times he's setting his fantasy football roster.

What do you do when he suggest you have nachos and hot wings at the wedding? You already picked your 3 "I pick only" items and food was not on the list. You can't shoot him down immediately but you don't want to turn your reception into a dive bar. You can still tell him no, but be a little political in the way you do it. "I don't think we should do nachos and hot wings, but I get what you're going for... you want familiar items like bar food at the wedding. Wouldn't it be fun if we did some sort of passed appetizer that's a play on a hot wing? Maybe fancy version of a hot wing?" This is what he hears "she's not saying no, she's not saying no....FANCY HOT WING!" Take his ideas and make them work for your wedding.

The bottom line is that there are things you should and shouldn't fight for. I wear my low top converse chucks just about every day. That's who I am. Rebecca made a great move when she was excited for me when I wanted to wear them with my suit at our wedding. She could have said "Oh man, it'll ruin the pictures!" But she chose her battles wisely. She knew that this would be a personal victory for me and I will continue to help her out planning!

At the end of the day, I admit, we have some pretty bad suggestions, but you have to realize that we think you have some pretty bad ideas too. When we both can admit that, that's when we'll harmonize and come up with the best wedding possible.

stay tuned for chapter 3...

How to Get Your Fiance Involved: Chapter One

Prologue: I've received quite a few emails from brides-to-be asking how to get their fiances involved in the wedding planning. It's not an easy task, but it can be done. I've decided to write a manual on HOW it can be done. I think the majority of women are forcing and pulling help out of their men the wrong way. If you follow a few easy steps, you'll find the help you're looking for.

Chapter One: You're Overwhelming Us With Details

Dear Women,

We're very excited about getting married too. We wouldn't have asked your hand in marriage if we weren't excited to get married. As much as you don't think we're stoked, we're actually looking forward to the wedding too. We're interested in everything you're showing us in "Modern Bride", "Martha Stewart Weddings", and "In Style: Weddings" but you've really got to slow down.... you're overwhelming us.

Love Always,

Your Fiances

It's true. You're throwing too much in front of us as soon as we get engaged. After I got engaged, I quickly realized I should have given my fiance the ring AND a stack of wedding magazines. Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing your enthusiasm. I'm just saying we're a bit different. We're about to enter a world of wedding planning where just about everything looks foreign to us. We've never even really thought about our weddings and you've been planning since you were a little girl. If you want our help, you should start slowly.

The best thing you can do is tell your fiance that he's about to throw one of the the biggest parties of his life (I don't know how much your man partied in college). While it's more upscale than his "red cup" parties he threw in the past, you want your wedding to be fun and memorable. He'll help you with that!

For now, let's skip details like colors, centerpieces, and what flowers to use. Let's start with things we're really interested in: musical entertainment, food & alcohol, and the photographer.

Let him give his advice on whether to hire a DJ or a band. I promise he'll have an opinion about the music. Tell him to start making one of his famous playlists. Chances are he probably gave you a mix tape/cd when he was trying to win you over - let him start making one for the wedding. Discuss the broad strokes. For example, pick the type of music/band/dj you want, let's not stress about "first dance songs", or father/daughter son/mother songs yet.

Give him the task of finding a great signature cocktail for the wedding. While everyone drank the Jungle Juice at his parties in the past he'll know that he's got to find something more widely liked (and less alcoholic than turpentine). Ask him what TYPE of food he envisions at the wedding. Does he see a sit down meal or a buffet? Has he ever eaten something at another wedding he liked?

Wedding photography has come a long way lately. I didn't know that some of the photography could look so cool. Let him know that you can have traditional portrait photography or the more candid journalistic style. Show him the difference. I was shocked to see that some photographers out there have really turned your big day into art. Looking through other people's great photos actually got me more excited about my wedding too.

Starting slowly will get us more involved in the long run. We're not looking to be talked to like children, but we don't have opinions on wedding details yet! We've just gotten over the mammoth task of proposing. Give us a small breather. If you start slowly we'll want to voice opinions in other places later down the road. Even if we don't... and chapter 1 is as far as you make it with your fiance... it's still more help than you had before.

...stay tuned for chapter 2...

I now understand why rehearsals are needed!

While we're on the subject of the Rehearsal Dinner, it got me thinking, why even HAVE a rehearsal?! I mean we've all seen enough weddings to understand how it all works. He walks, she walks, they listen to the Rabbi (or priest or friend that got his license on the internet), then they walk out together smiling... easy. I'd like to think that I'm fairly good at walking. I mean, I haven't gone PRO, but I think I could have - anyway, I never understood why one needed to rehearse...

....until now. Check out this video. It's GREAT.

Totally worth all of the rehearsing. I love it all. I bet that was a really fun reception.


ps. before I get yelled at in the comments, I do understand why to rehearse the wedding, and Rebecca, I know I'm not going to have a dance party down the aisle procession

Attending a Wedding While Planning a Wedding

This past weekend I attended a wedding while planning a wedding for the first time. It's an entirely different ballgame. You assess and critique EVERYTHING. The usual Post-Wedding Hungover version of myself normally has no clue what my fiance is talking about the next morning when she remembers the dresses, the centerpieces, the programs, etc. The morning after, I'm lucky if I remember the wedding colors, and am doubly lucky if I don't puke from the overexertion of trying to remember colors mixed w/ alcohol poisoning. I kid, I kid...

Even though I drank as much as I normally do this last weekend, I can recall every detail of the wedding. I assume that's because this is the first time I really SAW them. Even though we got drunk enough for Ms. Temple of Groom to randomly talk in a renaissance era accent (I'm not joking, at one point she couldn't find me so she was asking all our friends where her "liege"was) I remember everything. I feel like a superhero after the accident that gave him all of his super powers. In this case imagine a giant wedding planning book dropping on me from space in a vineyard (that's where the wedding took place). I climb out in a tattered suit and yell "I REMEMBER EVERY DETAIL!!!! THE COLORS WERE BURNT ORANGE AND CREAM! PASS ME ANOTHER FRIED RISOTTO BALL!!!" I admit, not the sexiest superpower, but it's a start.

Anyway, yes, attending a wedding while you're in the early planning stages is totally a different experience and it's actually an extremely beneficial experience too. You're looking for new ideas, seeing what worked, seeing what didn't work. You learn so much. Perhaps the best thing I saw at this wedding was the table assignment cards. Instead of getting a piece of paper w/ your name and table assignment on it, the bride and groom wrote a really heartfelt letter to each person/couple. It was such a nice touch. I've never seen that before. What are the rules about stealing this idea?! Another great tidbit I learned from the wedding was born from tragedy. Apparently before the reception the venue noticed the centerpieces kept blowing over (the winds in central CA are pretty gusty!) so the bride had them pull the centerpieces from the tables. That taught us if we're going to DIY our centerpieces, and have an outdoor wedding, we need to take wind into consideration. Also it showed me that a table didn't look lost w/o a grand centerpiece. A centerpiece can be small, simple, classy, and sturdy and be just fine! Lastly, Rebecca and I have always worried about planning something after the reception, or having ideas for our friends who want to afterparty. After the reception last Saturday we realized we no longer have to worry about that. If you have booze hungry adults they will find alcohol on their own. We got them as far as we needed to take them, they are responsible for the rest. WE were able to find the one bar still open in Solvang w/o the bride and groom worrying about us! So we'll do the same.

Wedding Dress?... Check!

Everything else?..... yeeeeah, we've still gotta get around to everything else. But at least Ms. Temple of Groom got her wedding dress this weekend, right?! It's a good start.

My sister is in town from NY and my fiance thought it'd be a great opportunity to start looking at dresses. She did a quick round up of some relatives and close girlfriends, and before she knew it, she was in wedding gowns. For those of you wondering, I did not go with them. We always said I'd most likely see her dress before our wedding day, but for some reason actually GOING and watching her try on the dresses seems a tad overboard. Maybe it's the episode of "Rich Bride, Poor Bride" I just watched where the groom wanted to pick out the dress with his bride... it just seemed controlling and a tad creepy.

Anyway, I got a call from my sister while the group was on its way to the 2nd dress boutique. The first store was a total bust. My fiance never felt like traditional wedding gowns were for her, and the first batch of 20 dresses she tried on confirmed that for her. She felt like a total poser of a bride. The dress she originally wanted was not right for her and I was already preparing to do damage control when she got back home. I was almost out the door to pick up 50 twix bars and a bottle of wine when I got a text from my sister "we found something amazing".

Guys, if you live in Los Angeles or San Francisco, send your brides to The Glamour Closet. Since the beginning of my blog, I think this is the most valuable nugget of info I've written about. It could save you THOUSANDS of dollars. I'm not exaggerating. The Glamour Closet is a boutique that sells designer dresses that were displays in showrooms, runway samples, or overstock from other boutiques. All the dresses are brand new. It's a great way for brides to get their dream dresses without spending the dream dress price. Trust me, we don't have Monique Lhuillier dream dress money, but Ms. Temple of Groom was able to find the perfect dress and couldn't be happier.

A couple updates - I will NOT see the dress (either on the rack, or on my fiance) before the wedding. If you missed what my fiance commented on my post regarding whether or not it's cool for a groom to have wedding dress input or see the dress here is what she said:

Well, I already know that you will most likely see a photo of the dress before the wedding. (considering I've sent you every link of dresses I like so far). Also, I know me well enough to know that probably on one lazy saturday afternoon, when we are just laying around, not showered, eating take out and watching movies, I will probably decide to try it on for you. Is that so bad?

She's singing a much different tune now. That's how I knew that this is "the dress". She has forbidden me to see it, see pictures of it, and most of all see her in it. Over the weekend she somehow became a real bride! She's more excited to get married than ever. I'm telling you guys, if you are looking for a designer dress but are on a budget - or even if you want an awesome dress but don't want to spend retail, go to the Glamour Closet. She's been gushing ever since she went.

Lastly, and most importantly, I'm happy to report that the dress isn't so formal that I can't wear my Converse Chucks with my suit. So this weekend was a total win.

If you like it, put a ring on it.

I can remember the exact moment I decided I eventually wanted to get engaged. I was 12 years old and at a magicians club meeting with my father. An old man spoke to several overweight magic nerds between a slight of hand and card trick routine. I eavesdropped. He dropped a pearl of wisdom on us - "when the diamond hits the door, the panties hit the floor!" - and it changed my adolescent life forever. Unreal. That's all it takes?.... A diamond ring? Sign me up.

14 years later I realized that getting a diamond ring is a LOT more work than I thought it was at 12 years old. It's so much second guessing, anxiety, and frustration. Will she like this ring? Will she hate this ring? What damn ring size is she? How do I find out what she wants without her figuring out what I'm doing? After all is said and done, if I could go back in time, I'd tell my prepubescent self to explore other options to make panties hit the floor.

However, now that I've survived buying the ring, I'm here to pass along what I learned to anyone about to take the engagement leap. I'll spare you the "Learn your 4 C's (cut, color, carat, clarity)" lesson. You can find that stuff everywhere on the internet. Instead I'll fill you in on the stuff you won't find on the Tiffany's website.

1. Don't be afraid to ask everyone you know (that won't ruin the surprise of the proposal) if they have a "diamond guy". If you know that your friend's cousin is a diamond wholesaler, start talking to him. This is the time to bite the bullet and befriend every jerk you may know that you once hated if he has a connection. The best weapon in your engagement ring buying arsenal will be a good diamond guy. Check out the fingers of your friends' fiances and wives. Did your cheap son-of-a-bitch friend just give his girlfriend a rock that prevents her from lifting left arm b/c it's so heavy? If so, tell him that you don't even know where to begin to look for rings. Chances are he'll point you to his guy. Find as many diamond guys as you can. Go with the one that you feel comfortable with or the one that will give you a great deal. In the end, they'll all give you prices that are below what you'll find in a store, and chances are you'll get a better ring than you'd find that's mass produced. Also, they will be willing to coach you through the entire process.

2. Hit the net. There are a couple websites I used when I was looking for rings. Blue Nile and Abazias are the two that I frequented. While I've never purchased diamonds online I do know some people that have done this and have been happy. The sites gave me an idea of what I could afford, and they gave me an idea of what rings existed.

3. Speaking of "afford", let's talk money. In 1947 some a-hole at DeBeers came up with that "a ring should be 2 months salary" idea. How DARE someone with the word "beers" in his name come up with such a crippling rule. Truth is, spend what you can afford. Also, keep in mind that you can change out the stone when you get more money one day. It's not the end of the world if you can't afford the biggest and the best right now. If you are on a budget, pick one of the C's that you don't mind sacrificing. If you want the most sparkly and bright white diamond, you're going to have to sacrifice on carat weight (size). If you want a big diamond that sparkles a good C to sacrifice is color. A great budget buy is a diamond that may not be the most white. Girls tend to look at sparkles and size, and once you get it in the sun, it's hard to tell between the different grades of color. Also, round diamonds are generally more expensive than square because it's the one shape that appears bigger than it actually is. I'll spare you the geometry lesson, but the weight of the round diamond is at the top so a 1.5ct diamond may appear to be 2ct whereas a square diamond may be 2ct but only look 1.5 because the weight is in the bottom of the stone. THEREFORE, if you can only afford a 1ct round diamond, it's okay because in the end it'll look like it's 1.5ct.

4. Understand that your girlfriend ALWAYS knows what's up. She knows you're interested in buying a diamond. You may blindside her with the time and place of the proposal and she may not see it coming, but dude, girls ALWAYS know when you are/aren't thinking about rings. Just be hip to her hint dropping. And girls, figure out what you want and drop hints. Listen when she talks about her friend's ring. Try to get an idea of what type of jewelry she likes and you can tell your "guy" and he'll help you. If there's one thing to find out it's the shape she likes (ie round, pear, princess, asscher, etc). That way, you can't screw up. Just get the stone you can afford that's the shape she wants, and she'll be happy.

(a note to girls about dropping hints... be realistic. also, don't drop hints too early. you'll know when the time is right.)

5. Lastly - Relax. Know this - whatever you get she.. will... love... You can't go wrong. It's one more diamond than she had yesterday. It's a sparkling rock that some dude dug out of the ground, and you bought that will remind her that you love her. She'll understand the time, energy, and money that went into purchasing it. You can't go wrong. I promise. But seriously, don't eff it up. Kidding. You can't.

Guys, leave any questions or comments you may have! Did I leave anything out? Add it!
Girls, feel free to jump in on this! What do you like? Got any questions?! Got any advice?

What to do when your fiance picks horrible colors!

Any of you that actually know me know that there's only one thing I truly hate - The Pittsburgh Steelers. I'm a Baltimore Ravens fan, and it's just something inside me I can't restrain. I really hate the Steelers.

That being said, can you imagine the look on my face when my "Future Wife" (shout out to "The Room") proposed the Steelers colors as our wedding colors. Thank god she told me this while on iChat. My face emoting pure disgust shielded behind a laptop miles away.

I could hear my Baltimore buddies (especially Nick) cracking a whip, laughing at me, berating me with insults on my wedding day. This could not happen. Which led me to ask the question:

"What do you do when your fiance picks the colors of your arch nemesis sports team as your wedding colors?"

- The first step is not to panic. Nothing is set in stone quite yet.
- The second step was to start thinking about what colors I would RATHER have. The first thing someone asks when you shoot down their suggestion is "Well what do YOU want?!" It's always good to have a suggestion in your pocket.

The solution, and I have countless wedding blogs to thank for this, is an Inspiration Color Board.

Inspiration color boards are collages made up of pictures that contain the colors, the looks, the feels you want for your wedding. I knew this was the only way I could ditch the Steelers white & yellow for other colors. Instead of just nixing the idea, I had to show something I liked more.

What is the one thing that overpowers The Pittsburgh Steelers?... The Baltimore Ravens. That's right. I added purple. Problem solved.


That's a copy of the board I created. I kept her colors, and my manhood. Mission accomplished!

Guys, always, always, always keep your cool and have an option you can suggest rather than just shooting something down.

What time is it?! GAME TIME!