Tracking my "over-it" level but getting excited!

Have any of you hit the point where you start to doubt or second guess everything you've planned for your wedding? That was me several weeks ago. Maybe it's the fact that we're most likely going to exceed our budget, or that I feel like we're just working our butts to the bone planning and stressing, or maybe it's just run of the mill general second guessing that comes from contractually agreeing to many different people that it's hard to see the big picture! Anyway, I hit the wedding wall. My "over-it level" was at about 90%.

One thing that helped me get exciting again was a visit to our wedding venue - Cass House Inn. A few weeks ago Rebecca and I drove up the California coast to our wedding venue for the day. We needed to see our reception area for some measurements, have a food tasting, and look for rental vendors (for tables, chairs, linens, etc). Over-it level 92%.

When we got to the small town where we're getting married it immediately made me feel like we'd made the right choice in venue. The town is so peaceful and it just helped mellow me out. I could hear myself think. I could hear the ocean. It was so nice. Over-it level 76%.

Even though I'm on a diet (probably something else that's contributing to my hostility and irritation) we walked over to the Brown Butter Cookie Company. We've decided that we're not having a cake at our wedding for dessert. If you actively follow the blog, that won't be a surprise to you, but if you don't - let me fill you in quickly about my decision - cake is completely overrated, the end. So our venue is going to make small bite size desserts. You go over, you pop a truffle in your mouth, you have a glug of wine, and you get back to dancing. Sounds awesome. Well, Rebecca and I found this cookie company next to our wedding venue that makes some of the best cookies I've ever had in my life. They're made with brown butter, and sea salt. They're awesome. We decided to work with the 2 sisters that own the cookie shop, and in addition to the desserts our venue will make, we're also giving out cookies. I like sweets, sure, maybe not as much as people that would call themselves chocoholics or people that need a sweet fix, but I'm telling you, these cookies kind of make my knees buckle they're so good. Over-it level 53%.

Rebecca and I met with the owners of our venue, and they are just so easy going and cool. The chef (one of the owners) came out and talked to us quickly about our wedding dinner menu. He can basically do anything we want. He just needs a few keywords to go by, or needs to know what we like/dislike - needed to know who we are, etc. SO, we just told him that we've been going to the farmer's markets lately. So we're kind of on this whole eat fresh, eat local kick. He and his wife smiled and let us know that that's exactly what they're about. We told him we're also adventurous and while we will have many people at our venue that aren't we do want to introduce unconventional wedding ingredients to the menu. We were talking about small passed appetizers and the chef said "Pizza from our wood fire oven, but how about we do a duck and caramelized onion with brie and a balsamic reduction?" Um... Over-it level 39%.

After our meeting we had to drive about 25 minutes to the rental company that our venue suggested. Before we hit the road though we swung by our favorite sandwich spot in town. We ordered some sandwiches for the road. Ruddell's Smokehouse is a small sandwich shack that makes the most amazing smoked fish sandwiches I've ever had. I desperately want to buy sandwiches or tacos for everyone coming to the wedding the night before the big day, it just unfortunately doesn't fit into the budget. Sad. The sandwiches are awesome. I had to pull over to shove mine down my throat because the windy mountain roads weren't easy to navigate while trying to eat a Smoked Albacore sandwich. Plus I wanted to savor the sandwich. Delicious. Over-it level 22%.

We had our meeting at the rental company. It went well, but I quickly realized this is going to slam our budget. Damn it; over-it level 28%. The woman at the company couldn't have been nicer. I think I just underestimated how much goes into weddings. I think I just underestimated how much this stuff costs. Stuff sounds so cheap when you say it's only 45 cents per plate, but then when you multiply it in your head and then add it to the list of other stuff you need... damn it. Over-it level 31%. Again I want to reiterate that the company we may use couldn't be nicer. She's working with us... it's just AHHHHHH!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! (sorry, I really try not to curse on the blog because I don't know how you guys feel about it... but seriously... fuck... ) That felt pretty good. COME ON though... lights are so much more expensive than I thought they were. We're not having flowers.... lights are cheaper... right?! Yes, but still super expensive?!?!? DAMN it. This fork vs. that fork... round table vs. straight. It's so much to think about. The company couldn't have made it easier, but I just realized that there's so much to planning that I hadn't even thought of. Over-it level 34%.

I got back in the car... over-it level still relatively low compared to where I had been at the beginning of the day! Immediately I ate a cookie. Over-it level 30%. Lights and forks? What lights and forks. Me want cookie.

To cap off the day Rebecca and I headed back to our venue to do a dinner/tasting. Since the chef doesn't have a set wedding menu and will really work with us to make whatever we want, our venue doesn't do a conventional wedding tasting. IE here's your meat option, here's your chicken option, here's are your appetizer options. So we did dinner, and they also hooked us up with wine pairings so we can see how they roll w/ their food & beverage smarts.

GOOD GOD the food was awesome. I won't completely bore you with course by course details, but holy eff the food was good. They started us with an amuse bouche (amuse the mouth, a small little bite to start the meal) that was a king crab fritter on some type of aoli sauce with a piece of parsley on top. WOW. So that's how you do things here, huh? Over-it level 22%. Then we had about 5 courses, each one better than the last. My steak was unbelievable. Perhaps one of the best steak dishes I've ever had. It was perfection. I can easily be a self proclaimed foodie snob when it comes to food so I'm not just giving props to our venue because we've put a non-refundable deposit down. Over-it level 12%. The wine pairings... oh man... all of these wines were very very good but then once you began eating the dish the wine was paired with its flavor transformed. It made them GREAT. The food and beverage just worked so harmoniously together. 5 glasses later: over-it level 3%. I decided that it was probably smart to have some coffee for the trip home. French press (see post below) awesomeness.... over-it level 1%.

As I walked to the car to head back to Los Angeles, I really felt so great about every decision we've made so far. What a great feeling. You know what? Before we hit the road, let me go back into our venue and go to the bathroom real quickly.... oh man, even their SOAP is awesome.

Over-it level 0%.

Here's what's going on:

Wow, I'm in awe of how wedding bloggers can juggle daily life, work, wedding planning, and STILL find time to blog. Not only do some of you find time to blog, but yo also find time to find awesome and interesting wedding stuff online, THEN blog about it! [slow clap that builds to a standing ovation] I have not been that good! Perhaps I overvalue sleep.

So, we're steadily moving forward with our wedding plans. It's 165 days away. Which seems like such a short amount of time, but I've realized as friends have gotten engaged then married within the time we've been engaged, is plenty of time to get things done. No need to panic about things that aren't done yet!

We've made some progress in the last couple weeks or so! As you've read, we finished registering which took way longer than expected. We also came up with the idea for our E-Session photographs (you'll have to wait and see). I think we potentially found our wedding ceremony musicians, and our reception DJ. OH! I bought my wedding suit! That was awesome. Thanks to a blogger named BowieBride (http://www.bowiebride.com/) who gave me the tip that Barney's Warehouse sale was happening. The suit is beautiful. As soon as I can fit into it, I'll take pictures. Kidding, I can fit.... kind of. Okay, I confess, I bought a suit that has pants that are a little snug. It's my inspiration to lose weight....it's working. Anyway - it's a Michael Kors 3 piece suit. Awesome. Now I just need to find a great shirt, and my sneakers.

On our plate right now we're thinking about videography. I think I came up with one particularly great way to cut costs which I'll share with you later if it comes to fruition. One thing I decided I'm going to do to help combat the astronomical rates I've seen on some of these videographer websites is edit the footage on my own. I know that it's most likely a LOT to chew, but I think that I could easily lay "I had the time of my life" over some reception footage as well as the next guy. Capturing moments on video has always been very important to my family so it's something we need to book, but we're having trouble budgeting it. My dad has been converting all our family videos to DVD and he's been sending me copies. It's been awesome to watch them all, and it makes me realize we really need a videographer.

We're also trying to figure out what our tables are going to look like. I'd really like to go with that "casually eclectic looks effortless but really wasn't" tablescape. SO, at some point we're going to hit up some flea markets and look for cool mismatched vases and potential knickknacks. Also, we're thinking more candles - less flowers.

Which leads me to the next morsel of business! We're going down to the flower district this weekend. Any fellow wedding bloggers out there want to meet us? We'll most likely buy our chuppa poles - and I think Rebecca wants to get some ideas for flowers to carry. I also think she wants to buy flower seed to potentially make her own bouquet.

I know I'm forgetting a whole bunch of stuff we're doing. We need to start designing our invitations. I'm so worried I've bitten off more than I can chew with Gocco. I know we'll eventually understand it, then fall in love with it - I'm just apprehensive. We also need to make time to get up to our wedding venue and meet with rental houses about certain things. Wow.

Oh man... So much to do. Anxiety and panic setting in. Overtaking body. I need a brown paper bag to breathe into. Maybe I can find a cool vintagey decorated one on etsy, or better yet regretsy.

How to Get Your Fiance Involved: Chapter Two

Compromise

Missouri did it, why can't you? Am I right, or am I right? Ahhh, 1800's history humor, gotta love it.

As the dawn of the football season approaches, think about how you feel every time we squash our Sunday plans for 16 straight weeks (not including playoffs). At first you are cool with letting us go to the bar to watch the game. Then by the 3rd or 4th week, it's grown a bit stale. By week 7 or 8 you are enraged that we've ruined one entire day of your weekend and don't understand how and why we want to do the same thing every weekend. Then by week 9 you completely give up. You stop trying to plan things on Sunday and just accept that this is the way it must be for another couple weeks. You join us and celebrate the Superbowl because you're so happy you only have 1 hour of actual football playing time (which in girl time translates to roughly 2 days) left in the season.

With weddings, it's the exact same thing for guys. The first few suggestions we make, we understand why you shot them down. We get it. You didn't want me to wear rocket shoes to propel myself down the aisle. The video woulda gone viral, but yeh, understood. The next few ideas we've got that get shut down we start to get annoyed. Is she just cutting me out of planning all together? Once you shoot down the 3rd batch of opinions we've got, we get enraged, but it's completely silent. You misconstrue our silence as us not caring. When we get enraged about getting everything we suggest shut down, we shut off. We stop worrying about wedding stuff all together. We attend the wedding (aka the Superbowl) because we're so happy we have a few hours left of listening to stuff about weddings.

So, how do we avoid this shutdown all together? The answer is compromise. I think that a lot of the problem is trust. Ladies, trust your groom a little more. Take a look at your left hand. He just picked out that rock for you and you LOVE it. He managed to do that by himself. You should trust that some of his ideas may not be so bad. And guys, realize that not EVERY one of your ideas is going to get accepted. It's just the way things work.

If you find it hard to compromise, fear not, I've invented a great rule to live by. Whenever I started researching weddings on the internet I started looking up articles on how to plan while you're on a budget. The majority of the articles are all the same. They suggest picking out 3 items to splurge on (ie the venue, the food, the entertainment) then completely scaling back everything else. I realized that the same can be said about wedding decisions and compromising. Brides, pick 3 things that you will absolutely not compromise. A few items that you want to have done your way. Then, compromise everywhere else. If you desperately had your heart set on a certain centerpiece or wedding colors, or a venue, mark those off as your definitive decisions. Every other decision, you let him help. This doesn't mean that you let him plan everything else. I'm not saying that. But, what I am saying is that you've just given him an open avenue to spitball his ideas. This will have him actively thinking about the wedding in between times he's setting his fantasy football roster.

What do you do when he suggest you have nachos and hot wings at the wedding? You already picked your 3 "I pick only" items and food was not on the list. You can't shoot him down immediately but you don't want to turn your reception into a dive bar. You can still tell him no, but be a little political in the way you do it. "I don't think we should do nachos and hot wings, but I get what you're going for... you want familiar items like bar food at the wedding. Wouldn't it be fun if we did some sort of passed appetizer that's a play on a hot wing? Maybe fancy version of a hot wing?" This is what he hears "she's not saying no, she's not saying no....FANCY HOT WING!" Take his ideas and make them work for your wedding.

The bottom line is that there are things you should and shouldn't fight for. I wear my low top converse chucks just about every day. That's who I am. Rebecca made a great move when she was excited for me when I wanted to wear them with my suit at our wedding. She could have said "Oh man, it'll ruin the pictures!" But she chose her battles wisely. She knew that this would be a personal victory for me and I will continue to help her out planning!

At the end of the day, I admit, we have some pretty bad suggestions, but you have to realize that we think you have some pretty bad ideas too. When we both can admit that, that's when we'll harmonize and come up with the best wedding possible.

stay tuned for chapter 3...

How to Get Your Fiance Involved: Chapter One

Prologue: I've received quite a few emails from brides-to-be asking how to get their fiances involved in the wedding planning. It's not an easy task, but it can be done. I've decided to write a manual on HOW it can be done. I think the majority of women are forcing and pulling help out of their men the wrong way. If you follow a few easy steps, you'll find the help you're looking for.

Chapter One: You're Overwhelming Us With Details

Dear Women,

We're very excited about getting married too. We wouldn't have asked your hand in marriage if we weren't excited to get married. As much as you don't think we're stoked, we're actually looking forward to the wedding too. We're interested in everything you're showing us in "Modern Bride", "Martha Stewart Weddings", and "In Style: Weddings" but you've really got to slow down.... you're overwhelming us.

Love Always,

Your Fiances

It's true. You're throwing too much in front of us as soon as we get engaged. After I got engaged, I quickly realized I should have given my fiance the ring AND a stack of wedding magazines. Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing your enthusiasm. I'm just saying we're a bit different. We're about to enter a world of wedding planning where just about everything looks foreign to us. We've never even really thought about our weddings and you've been planning since you were a little girl. If you want our help, you should start slowly.

The best thing you can do is tell your fiance that he's about to throw one of the the biggest parties of his life (I don't know how much your man partied in college). While it's more upscale than his "red cup" parties he threw in the past, you want your wedding to be fun and memorable. He'll help you with that!

For now, let's skip details like colors, centerpieces, and what flowers to use. Let's start with things we're really interested in: musical entertainment, food & alcohol, and the photographer.

Let him give his advice on whether to hire a DJ or a band. I promise he'll have an opinion about the music. Tell him to start making one of his famous playlists. Chances are he probably gave you a mix tape/cd when he was trying to win you over - let him start making one for the wedding. Discuss the broad strokes. For example, pick the type of music/band/dj you want, let's not stress about "first dance songs", or father/daughter son/mother songs yet.

Give him the task of finding a great signature cocktail for the wedding. While everyone drank the Jungle Juice at his parties in the past he'll know that he's got to find something more widely liked (and less alcoholic than turpentine). Ask him what TYPE of food he envisions at the wedding. Does he see a sit down meal or a buffet? Has he ever eaten something at another wedding he liked?

Wedding photography has come a long way lately. I didn't know that some of the photography could look so cool. Let him know that you can have traditional portrait photography or the more candid journalistic style. Show him the difference. I was shocked to see that some photographers out there have really turned your big day into art. Looking through other people's great photos actually got me more excited about my wedding too.

Starting slowly will get us more involved in the long run. We're not looking to be talked to like children, but we don't have opinions on wedding details yet! We've just gotten over the mammoth task of proposing. Give us a small breather. If you start slowly we'll want to voice opinions in other places later down the road. Even if we don't... and chapter 1 is as far as you make it with your fiance... it's still more help than you had before.

...stay tuned for chapter 2...