Compromise
Missouri did it, why can't you? Am I right, or am I right? Ahhh, 1800's history humor, gotta love it.
As the dawn of the football season approaches, think about how you feel every time we squash our Sunday plans for 16 straight weeks (not including playoffs). At first you are cool with letting us go to the bar to watch the game. Then by the 3rd or 4th week, it's grown a bit stale. By week 7 or 8 you are enraged that we've ruined one entire day of your weekend and don't understand how and why we want to do the same thing every weekend. Then by week 9 you completely give up. You stop trying to plan things on Sunday and just accept that this is the way it must be for another couple weeks. You join us and celebrate the Superbowl because you're so happy you only have 1 hour of actual football playing time (which in girl time translates to roughly 2 days) left in the season.
With weddings, it's the exact same thing for guys. The first few suggestions we make, we understand why you shot them down. We get it. You didn't want me to wear rocket shoes to propel myself down the aisle. The video woulda gone viral, but yeh, understood. The next few ideas we've got that get shut down we start to get annoyed. Is she just cutting me out of planning all together? Once you shoot down the 3rd batch of opinions we've got, we get enraged, but it's completely silent. You misconstrue our silence as us not caring. When we get enraged about getting everything we suggest shut down, we shut off. We stop worrying about wedding stuff all together. We attend the wedding (aka the Superbowl) because we're so happy we have a few hours left of listening to stuff about weddings.
So, how do we avoid this shutdown all together? The answer is compromise. I think that a lot of the problem is trust. Ladies, trust your groom a little more. Take a look at your left hand. He just picked out that rock for you and you LOVE it. He managed to do that by himself. You should trust that some of his ideas may not be so bad. And guys, realize that not EVERY one of your ideas is going to get accepted. It's just the way things work.
If you find it hard to compromise, fear not, I've invented a great rule to live by. Whenever I started researching weddings on the internet I started looking up articles on how to plan while you're on a budget. The majority of the articles are all the same. They suggest picking out 3 items to splurge on (ie the venue, the food, the entertainment) then completely scaling back everything else. I realized that the same can be said about wedding decisions and compromising. Brides, pick 3 things that you will absolutely not compromise. A few items that you want to have done your way. Then, compromise everywhere else. If you desperately had your heart set on a certain centerpiece or wedding colors, or a venue, mark those off as your definitive decisions. Every other decision, you let him help. This doesn't mean that you let him plan everything else. I'm not saying that. But, what I am saying is that you've just given him an open avenue to spitball his ideas. This will have him actively thinking about the wedding in between times he's setting his fantasy football roster.
What do you do when he suggest you have nachos and hot wings at the wedding? You already picked your 3 "I pick only" items and food was not on the list. You can't shoot him down immediately but you don't want to turn your reception into a dive bar. You can still tell him no, but be a little political in the way you do it. "I don't think we should do nachos and hot wings, but I get what you're going for... you want familiar items like bar food at the wedding. Wouldn't it be fun if we did some sort of passed appetizer that's a play on a hot wing? Maybe fancy version of a hot wing?" This is what he hears "she's not saying no, she's not saying no....FANCY HOT WING!" Take his ideas and make them work for your wedding.
The bottom line is that there are things you should and shouldn't fight for. I wear my low top converse chucks just about every day. That's who I am. Rebecca made a great move when she was excited for me when I wanted to wear them with my suit at our wedding. She could have said "Oh man, it'll ruin the pictures!" But she chose her battles wisely. She knew that this would be a personal victory for me and I will continue to help her out planning!
At the end of the day, I admit, we have some pretty bad suggestions, but you have to realize that we think you have some pretty bad ideas too. When we both can admit that, that's when we'll harmonize and come up with the best wedding possible.
stay tuned for chapter 3...
With weddings, it's the exact same thing for guys. The first few suggestions we make, we understand why you shot them down. We get it. You didn't want me to wear rocket shoes to propel myself down the aisle. The video woulda gone viral, but yeh, understood. The next few ideas we've got that get shut down we start to get annoyed. Is she just cutting me out of planning all together? Once you shoot down the 3rd batch of opinions we've got, we get enraged, but it's completely silent. You misconstrue our silence as us not caring. When we get enraged about getting everything we suggest shut down, we shut off. We stop worrying about wedding stuff all together. We attend the wedding (aka the Superbowl) because we're so happy we have a few hours left of listening to stuff about weddings.
So, how do we avoid this shutdown all together? The answer is compromise. I think that a lot of the problem is trust. Ladies, trust your groom a little more. Take a look at your left hand. He just picked out that rock for you and you LOVE it. He managed to do that by himself. You should trust that some of his ideas may not be so bad. And guys, realize that not EVERY one of your ideas is going to get accepted. It's just the way things work.
If you find it hard to compromise, fear not, I've invented a great rule to live by. Whenever I started researching weddings on the internet I started looking up articles on how to plan while you're on a budget. The majority of the articles are all the same. They suggest picking out 3 items to splurge on (ie the venue, the food, the entertainment) then completely scaling back everything else. I realized that the same can be said about wedding decisions and compromising. Brides, pick 3 things that you will absolutely not compromise. A few items that you want to have done your way. Then, compromise everywhere else. If you desperately had your heart set on a certain centerpiece or wedding colors, or a venue, mark those off as your definitive decisions. Every other decision, you let him help. This doesn't mean that you let him plan everything else. I'm not saying that. But, what I am saying is that you've just given him an open avenue to spitball his ideas. This will have him actively thinking about the wedding in between times he's setting his fantasy football roster.
What do you do when he suggest you have nachos and hot wings at the wedding? You already picked your 3 "I pick only" items and food was not on the list. You can't shoot him down immediately but you don't want to turn your reception into a dive bar. You can still tell him no, but be a little political in the way you do it. "I don't think we should do nachos and hot wings, but I get what you're going for... you want familiar items like bar food at the wedding. Wouldn't it be fun if we did some sort of passed appetizer that's a play on a hot wing? Maybe fancy version of a hot wing?" This is what he hears "she's not saying no, she's not saying no....FANCY HOT WING!" Take his ideas and make them work for your wedding.
The bottom line is that there are things you should and shouldn't fight for. I wear my low top converse chucks just about every day. That's who I am. Rebecca made a great move when she was excited for me when I wanted to wear them with my suit at our wedding. She could have said "Oh man, it'll ruin the pictures!" But she chose her battles wisely. She knew that this would be a personal victory for me and I will continue to help her out planning!
At the end of the day, I admit, we have some pretty bad suggestions, but you have to realize that we think you have some pretty bad ideas too. When we both can admit that, that's when we'll harmonize and come up with the best wedding possible.
stay tuned for chapter 3...
wow, 1800's humor? I thought I was supposed to be the family nerd. Great post!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. My FI is involved in the details that are important to him, and pretty much every idea suggestion he has had, I've been okay with, because we are so much alike on a lot of levels. It's comforting to know, that even though I'm super planner, that we respect each other's decisions we have made about our wedding.
ReplyDeleteAnd, being from Missouri, of course I get your history humor :)
ReplyDeleteThis is true. I hate how some women think it's "their" day and don't take into consideration their soon-to-be husbands. The wedding should incorporate everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteDamn skippy post, Dave. Now all I want is some of them fancy hot wings.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ReplyDelete