Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ben Folds + Our Wedding = My Impossible Campaign

As of right now, I give myself an F.... maybe a D minus for effort.... I haven't booked a musical act for the wedding. It's the ONE task that men across the globe want to help wedding plan. Sure, I've had a lot of great ideas, but I haven't pulled the trigger.

It's late at night and I'm in bed thinking what music I want at my wedding. A name blazes through my head so fast it's like a big fast name that's on fire, and it's evidently all I can think about because I couldn't even come up with a good metaphor for something that's fast and blazes! The name is Ben Folds. I know it's impossible and it will never happen. So I roll over and wake up Rebecca to try to get her opinion. It's absolutely no help that she wakes up and groggily says she wants Ben Folds too. So instead of sleeping, I spend hours trying to figure out where I can find an affordable band to replicate that sound. The problem is, it can't be done. Such a band does not exist.

So I'm coming to you internet. As cliche as it sounds, stranger things have happened. Maybe one day Ben Folds will get bored and google his own name. Maybe I'll be somewhere on that list and he'll click. Let's somehow get my plea to him. I'm sick of wasting my time trying to figure out what I can find to replace Ben... now I'm onto wasting my time trying to reach out to him. Today I launch my campaign to get Ben Folds perform at my wedding reception. With your help, let's make this impossible task happen! If you run a site, post a link! Help a brother out! The campaign begins today!

Task 1: Reach out to Internet
Task 2: Letter to Ben Folds (see below)

Dear Ben,
Hey dude, what's up? Did you see the series finale of "Monk?" I don't really watch that show, but I think it was pretty good. Cool, cool....So look, obviously you know I didn't come here to talk about "Monk" and I know what you're thinking "Dave only writes to me when he wants something." Look, you're not completely wrong. I feel terrible about it. But now I'm swallowing my pride because I'd be forever grateful if you could just do me this one solid: play at our wedding in August. Before you scoff, and turn away, I do want to say that you kind of did this to yourself man. You're too good. You've made it impossible to like any other music. Nothing will do.

I don't want to bore you with details about Rebecca and me, but you'd really like us. We're fun, and we're going to have a great wedding. The food should be awesome, and you're totally welcomed to eat with us. We've been fans of yours for a very long time. I've loved your music for the last 12 years when I first heard you (I was living in Charlotte at the time). We're definitely fans, but we're not the type you have to be afraid of (we've never thought about wearing your skin to see if it makes us better at the piano!). BUT, we are the type of fan that thought that your concert was the best way to spend our 3 year anniversary last year (@ the Wiltern).

On TV, I just watched Oprah surprise her best friend Gayle by having Josh Groban serenade her at work. I think you're easily 10x cooler than Josh Groban. I'm not saying that we're any better than Gayle, but between you and me...well, I just think you'd have a better time at our wedding than hanging with Gayle (although I hear that she makes an awesome spinach and artichoke dip). You seem like someone that would want to make a wedding on a tight budget the event of a lifetime because it would mean so much to the couple. I don't know how true this is, but years ago a friend of mine that went to UNC claimed he saw you talking to a homeless man for over an hour. This proves that you're awesome and caring. This is why I think I have a chance, albeit a 0.04% chance.

Alright, I don't want this to get too beggy, or too long so I guess I'll wrap this up. If you've got any questions, please don't hesitate to write. But before I go, just think about all the website hits you're gonna get from people that read my website. I can guarantee probably about 20-30 a day....a DAY. You'll blow up. Lastly, let me say that Rebecca and I love you and we hope your family is well and having a great holiday season.

Hit me back whenever you get a chance,

PS. If it makes a difference I can promise that you won't have to play "Rock this bitch" at the wedding!


  1. Did you send to Ben? I found his manager's contact info online...

    Alan Wolmark

    Manager, Ben Folds
    CEC Management
    1123 Broadway, Suite 317
    New York, NY 10010

  2. I haven't yet walked down the "corporate" path and sent anything to his manager. I figure any manager is gonna say "hell no" immediately and not even tell his client about the idea! I thought that the more heartfelt jokey blog was a good first step. In my head Ben would appreciate this more. (creepy)

    Thank you so much though Jen, this may come in handy soon! You just became campaign relations coordinator!

  3. Don't dismiss the manager! I almost had my favorite singer perform at our wedding and his manager was totally helpful! GO FOR IT! The worst he could say is no, but then you won't have to spend the rest of your days wondering 'what if?'

  4. What are you serving for dinner? I think wedding bands care about getting fed, more than they admit. You might investigate Ben's favorite food, and put that on the reception menu. Alternatively, consider asking Ben's bass player to be your officiant. He might be so grateful that he brings the whole band along, including Ben. Good luck!

  5. Broke-Ass Bride I'd almost rather have my heads in the cloud thinking this is a possibility than get the "definitely not" hammer dropped down! I think I will write to the manager... what do I have to lose? I can always ignore the "no" and keep the campaign running! Would you send something a tad more real and sincere than the letter I wrote previous to Ben on the blog?

  6. PS. THANKS for coming to the blog! I'm honored!